Tell me if I am wrong

This guy that’s been working hard to charm his way into my heart has suddenly vanished, into thin air literally. Just when I was beginning to enjoy his company and could see the prospects of us ending up together---he took a hike.

To be honest with you, I think I have an idea what drove him away.

You see, if you were born in 1976 like me and still have not found your soul mate, you will understand where I’m coming from. I have tried the dating thing, the challenges are just too much for a big girl like me.

So these days, I do not even waste time. If a guy proposes love to me, I put forward these conditions to him:

1.      If you have a girlfriend, you must break-up with her before we can even start calling each other pet names ...because I am simply too old to be competing for a man’s heart.

2.      Do you love Jesus? If I have a man in my life, I expect him to come to church with me, or take me to your own church. I’m tired of envying couples that pray together.

3.      I’m a storyteller, so my phone conversations are rarely shorter than 10 minutes...I hope you have worked hard enough to afford airtime to call me.

4.       Do you love life?

a.       I’m spontaneous. I can decide on a Friday that I’m going to Kuruman for the weekend...will this be a problem to you?

b.      Once a while I must be served. I love restaurants...did you get that right? Restaurants, not KFC or Champs.

5.      I have 4 children depending on me and I treat all of them like my own. So if you decide to surprise me with pizza, one box is just not enough for all of us.

6.      I may be a  fatty boom boom, I like man more if he tries to avoid a potbelly. I have mine because I gave birth twice. Wena? What did you give birth too?

7.      Do you read? I spend more money on books than underwear. So I hope you have books I can borrow.

8.      Do you take interest in what’s happening around you? `Cos when I watch the Weakest Link with you, I expect to be impressed by your general knowledge.

9.      You do understand that even a woman my age is Facebook/Twitter connected. Promise me you won’t think I’m childish.

10.  Do you have a house of your own, because my house is my children’s home. I don’t have any intension of having you as an extra in our household. I can’t have my little one asking if uBhuti uChulumanco will be sleeping over again tonight...creepy!

11.  I hope you are quick witted....because I will be disappointed if you think that Mafa and Putco are not funny. You are not a hater moss neh....so you do understand why I like tuning in on uMhlobo wenene between 15:00-18:00 weekdays...to listen to KC of course.

12.  I hang out more with guys than girls. Don’t expect my boys to suddenly vanish because you have arrived!

13.  Are you a traditionalist?

a.      Because you see, I’m a chosen child of the ancestors...so from time to time, I slaughter goats and all.

b.      And ohh yeah...some weekends are not good for me because I attend izintlombe.

c.       Sometimes I wake up at night and I must talk to my ancestors...I hope you won’t think I’m weird!

14.  Lastly...for now at least...(My friends will laugh at this)

a.      I can be a cry baby...it will help if you have a pet name that only you call me by to soothe me.

b.      A kiss is usually good enough to calm me down...I hope you have a strict oral hygiene routine!

When my guy friends read my list...they advised that I should expect to cuddle a pillow all nights...till death!

Pheeuww...may be I must revise the damn list

A snippet into my new lifestyle as an Initiate

For ease of reading, I have tried to provide definitions for difficult Xhosa Vocabulary (bold and underlined) at the bottom of the article

As I woke up this morning, icamagu that I keep upright next to my bed fell and sent a painstaking reminder to my conscience that it has been a while since I did my prayer ritual of ukunqula. I felt a bit of guilt but hurriedly climbed off the bed as I was already late for work.

Again as I opened the tap for my morning bath, I wondered if I should be brave and pour the uMradeni mix. These herbs are supposed to help revive my intuitive abilities, to help me if I will have to do ukuvumisa.  The problem is, the herbs give an itchy effect when mixed with water and poured over the skin. The itchiness is barely bearable and takes at least 20 minutes to go away. So I decide that I am not feeling that brave this morning and am rather late for work and will not have time to nurse an itch. So I carried on with my bath routine and left the house.

As I sat down on my desk, I then remembered that I forgot to wear my neck icamagu. It is a blue and white beaded necklace. I felt a bit of guilt, but easily dismissed this because I did discuss with uMama that it will rather be very awkward for me to wear my beads in the office as some of the people I deal with can be very judgemental. I work as a Development Consultant. I deal with government officials, architects, engineers, funders, etc. I may be very close to closing a deal and only to find that the final signature will come from a guy that is a born-again Christian---that deal is gone if they judge you based on the beads hanging on your neck!

As I navigate through the day, enjoying my work, I am again reminded that today is a Thursday. UMama and my fellow abahlekazi are on their way to a village called Mxumbu in Middledrift. They will be joining uMama’s sister in training (igqirha that qualified with her) as she will be conducting the imvumakufa ritual for her initiate (her name is Nocebisa). They have to arrive at the initiate’s homestead today so that they can be welcomed and introduced to Nocebisa’s ancestors. The ancestors have to recognise that amagqirha have arrived through intlombe. You cannot believe how lucky I feel that I have a job and therefore exempt from attending the Thursday intlombe.

I am not totally free though, tomorrow (Friday), I will be joining them and only come back on Sunday. When I leave work tomorrow, my suitcase will be waiting for me, with all my gqirha regalia (izishweshwe,  nemibhaco and white towels) and beads. I will take off-my Eurocentric clothes and get into my gqirha dewish....isishweshwe, white top, white towel to wrap around my waist, a white nappy towel to wrap around my head. To top it all, white clay on my face, arms and legs and my blue and white beads on neck, wrists and ankles.

Pheeuuw, there you go....no rest in the life of UMhlekazi!

Come back again, there will be more to tell tomorrow.

Icamagu: the stick that you carry around for protection from evil. It also helps guide your spirit through your consultations (ukuvumisa). Mine is made out of the Matshinitshini and UMnquma trees. It has blue and white beading detail on it. The white beads symbolise that you are a ‘white’ person (ungumntu omhlophe). The blue symbolises that you have done imvumakufa, a ritual that sees you signing a pact with your ancestors by eating intsonyama of a goat.

Intsonyama: meat found under the left fore-leg of a goat.

Ukunqula: a prayer session where you call upon your ancestors (paternal and maternal, including those of both your grandmothers), telling them all that you need.
Ukuvumisa: A consultation process of checking what is troubling your client. A Xhosa igrirha does not throw bones, but rather uses ukunqula and intuition.
UMradeni: the herb that is made of onion-like bulbs. It is used to ward off evil spirits, whilst reviving your intuition (umbilini) as uMkhwetha. It gives a very itchy (very itchy) effect when poured over the skin.
Umbilini: the effect of intutition/instinct/hunch/sixth sense that uMkhwetha experiences throughout training.
UMama: The trainer of umKhwetha is called uMama (if it is a woman)
Abahlekazi: Fellow initiates that you are in training with
Intlombe: A dance routine where amagqirha nabahlekazi dance to a trance. During the dancing, they call their ancestors and those of the homestead visited through a process of ukuNqula (calling clan names). At 12 midnight, a Christian prayer is done to invite God almighty to be with the family and ward off all evil.
Isishweshwe: German print clothing, comes in blue or brown.
Umbhaco: White or cream hard cloth used in Xhosa traditional regalia

When my ancestors called me, I was driving a German car!

It has been a while since I had the inspiration to put any of my thoughts down. My blog has suffered a huge blow as a result. Blogging had become such an enjoyable activity for me I would look forward to hearing what my friends had to say about my posts. Yes, I have mostly friends who are either technologicaly challenged or technolologicaly lazy....instead of being a follower and comment on the blog itself, they will rather call you. But that's not where we are today: I want to tell you why I suddenly vanished and stayed away from blogging and social networks!

My last posts relate how I felt I had to leave Jozi and come to Alice.

At the beginning of it all, it was exciting and quite surreal to explain to everyone that cared to listen my sudden change of town of choice. I could see my friends and family trying to grasp my theory of how my life was changing for the better. Afterall, I was the girl that had had it all; but suddenly I had nothing.

I had had the house in Joburg, with the correct address nogal! No, from the beginning, I never experimented with any of Jozi's buzzy townships as residence. My first address was No. 6 Rhone Crescent, Fairfield. Baaabbby....this is one of the flashiest suburbs in the leafy North of Jozi! From there North Riding and Olivedale followed. I was not stepping down the ladder, but rather up, as I moved around the northern Suburbs!

At one point, I was the only African in a cul de sac crescent. I owned a dog, a labrador and his name was Smirnoff. Yes, dear...I was the type that walks their dog in the afternoon! I was the envy of some of my White dog owners....damnnnn....Smirnoff was a beauty! Included in my monthly budget was the cost of paying the mobile dog grooming parlour. You don't believe me, I know, but Smirnoff had regular manicures and pedicures...Lol!

Let's get to the part of the story you want to hear! When my ancestors called me to answer the calling to become igqirha, I was driving a German car! The point is, I had to loose it all to realise I had the calling!

This is what happened....

1. Debt pile up
After my divorce in 2009, I rejoiced, expecting for my livelihood to change for the better as I had gotten rid of the 'bad'man. Little did I know that, it was only the beginning of bad luck after tough luck! Bills started piling up as I had to start paying debt that hubby dearest left behind for me to take care of. He had been unemployed and had no intention to get any employment, so I hurried with the divorce, even agreeing to take on his debt. Pheeuuww....it was an uphill battle!

2. House sold
To sort out the debt that was piling up, I sold the house that I loved so much! You see, I am a problem solver by nature. The best way for me to come out of a bad situation is to 'make a decision'. So I made a decision! Rather than risking my children's comfortable private education lifestyle, a house downgrade was necessary! So I sold the house and moved to a 3 bedroom cluster house in Olivedale.

3. Car issues
 As soon as we moved into the cluster, the German car I've been pestering you about started giving problems! I was either getting bumped or the turbo would stop functioning, but it had become a nightmare to own this car. My poor brother, Xolile, shame...would drive from Sebokeng (West), to bring me a car. We started on a high note! The frist car he gave me was a Toyota Condor. I bumped a White woman's old 16v corolla driving the Condor. He did not give up. Next, he brought me a BMW 318i (G-String). This car was nice, until I started experiencing many technical problems with it. He took it back and brought me an old BMW (Dolphin type). This too was okay, until one day the petrol tank was dripping petrol so bad that I could have burnt in the car. He then brought a Toyota Tazz. This one I messed it up myself. I was texting while driving and hit a neighbour's interkom post (I ran like a thug...they never got to know it was me...LOL). In the end, I was even taking taxies to work! Once we sat down and made a note that in one year alone, I had had more than 10 accidents! This whole experience left me with so much technical knowledge about cars, even my male friends call me for technical advice. I can tell you when it's the gaskette or it's top that is problematic. I can tell you when your radiator is finished. I can tell you when your car is mixing oil and water. Don't get me started, ços I can change my own tyre! I can fix a car's timing....LMAO!

4. Problems at work
Then the employer was now starting to become a problem! I had climbed up the corporate ladder. My salary afforded me my Nortthern Jozi cocktails life. But the cookie started crumbling. The company I worked for, that paid so well, suddenly was skipping months when it came to paying salaries. At one stage we had not been paid for 3 months. The monster was slowly creeping out of the hellhole.  The problem solver in felt pressured to make a decision....it was time to leave Johannesburg and go back home. I thought and justified, "It's better to make a decision freely than be pushed to make it". It took me just one evening to decide. The following morning my letter of resignation was ready. I made calls to book a storage for my belongings. Then I called my mother. She was devastated.

5. The first ancestral message
Ten years earlier, I had bought a house in King William's Town. My Aunt lives in that house. A month after I arrived home, we heard that the house had been visited by an alligator (uXamu). The Xhosa people believe that uXamu is a messenger from the Head-Office (KoMkhulu). It is believed that every clan, is related to a clan of River people. The River people are a superior race than the bantu, and as such, they have telepathic powers beyond imagination. So when uXamu visits a homestead, he must be treated with dignity. Who ever comes across this messenger must call elders to witness, the elders must talk to the messenger and say, ''We have seen you. Tell your superiors that we will go to the wise men (gqirha/sangoma) to get the message that they are sending.'' The messenger will duly leave, without any havoc.

However, my poor Aunt is definitely not in touch with Xhosa tradition and culture. Instead, she called the SPCA. The White men came and fetched the alligator, covered him with blankets and left.

No one went to consult with any gqirha/wisemen. A few months later, my White BMW over-turned near Hogsback, carrying 6 passengers. No one died. No injuries either!

6. The Dreams
I have always been known to dream (dreams that culminate into live events) by my family. However, suddenly my dreams were very specific and regular. Explaining the dreams will need a separate posting altogether. The dreams were however very easy to interprete. It was very clear, my ancestors wanted me to accept the calling and become igqirha. You are born with the gift, not into it. In your mother's womb, already you have been chosen. It is not a choice you make. Your ancestors give you time to mature before they force you to accept the calling.

7. The consultations
The first woman we consulted with had these first words to say, "You want me to consult for another igqira?" Woman, you are a gqirha yourself, you know exactly what is wrong with you!" She related how we had a messenger (uXamu) at my house specifically (not family home). She related how my grandfather was a traditional healer but refused to become igqirha (this we knew to be true). She asked me about my specific dreams (she could not have known, they were only in my head). She asked me if I thought it was normal for anyone to just leave their jobs and go home without being fired (she didn't know this, we did not tell her). She told us about the many car accidents, even mentioning the one that had had happened a week earlier. She said all the suffering, financial and otherwise was for me to take a pause and listen to the calling! Somehow, I knew she was right. I still wanted a second opinion there. Of course, the message was the same!

I'm tired now....depending on when next I get inspired to share my story...I will tell you more about the journey I have chosen to embrace with my whole being!

So yes, even amagqirha do drive Germsan cars...LMAO

back in my mother's womb

Somehow, I relate my homecoming to being back in my mother's womb. I'll tell you why.

You see, the experience of finding yourself in a corner where you are faced with a tough decision like leaving the glitzy lifestyle of Jozi behind and heading back home, anyone that says to you that is one of the easiest things to do will be telling you green lies. Personally, I found that arriving at that decision was actualy tougher than deciding to get a divorce.

The decision itself is a rollercoaster ride of emotions: pride, guilt, shame, defeat, helplessness....you get the gist. Having made that decision myself, I went through all kinds of emotions and at times felt that it was never going to get better.

Believe me though, when I say the toughest part is making the decision. Living with the decision is actually the easiest part. In your quest to mantain a positive outlook, you begin to see life differently. Suddenly things that mattered the most just not so long ago (before making the decision) do not matter anymore. The most important person at this moment is you (even if you have children). You suddenly realise that putting other people first is a disservice to your own wellbeing. Without a healthy and content you, your children are robbed of a normal upbringing. No child would enjoy watching their mother going through depression day in and day out. So at this point, priorities are becoming clearer than before.

For me, coming to my mother's house first, before facing the world all on my own again made a positive difference in my life. The first week was spent in bed mostly. My mother made sure that there was no discussion  related to a wayforward and so forth. She spent a lot of time with my children making sure that I was not being disturbed by nosy neighbours and family. Most of all, she made it all look normal. We would drive to town together and laugh about this and that.

The Easter Holiday period also provided another buffer. The arrival of my boyfriend from Cape Town with his much cherished rugby team kept me busy. Seeing him excited about the tournament made me forget a little about my own woes. His laughter is infectious, somehow everyone around us got the impression that we were a very happy couple. Off$ course we were. Laughter is the best medicine during times of uncertainty. Watching the games was a very good distraction.

The best part though was attending Easter sermons at my family church---the church that was build by my very own great grandfather. Feeling the warmth of the parishners made me realise that sometimes we go far to look for happiness, when most of the times we leave that very happiness right behind us when we leaves our homes in pursuit of the worlds' glitzy offerings.

You see, I feel revitalised now. I am happily taking on a new assignment as a freelance writer. There are other positive developments in the pipeline. I'm moving into my new house in a week's time.

Watchin g Generations, Rhythm City, Big Brother is no longer at the top of my to do list everyday. I am so busy sorting my life, I really do not mind missing a whole week of TV viewing!

Did I mention, being in love again, is probably another booster! He is an ordinary man. Dark. Same height as me. Perfect dental formula. Six pack ;-). He is driven by his love for sport development. He prefers Tshisanyama to Spur and the rest. He prefers Savanna to beer. He is as ordinary as they come...and that makes me feel like life is REAL again, after a very long time.

I am in Alice

I did say I was moving back home hey....I am in Alice, my hometown. Like I said in my previous post, iRhawuti made me realise I had overstayed my welcome! I won't dwell---that's not the cow I'm slaughtering today.

Never in my wildest of dreams did I see myself creating a livelihood in this sleepy town. Whilst it is still early days, it does seem like it's almost dawn.

I have been here for just over a month, yet I am already busy with an assignment---but yet again, that's not the cow we a slaughtering today. Did I mention I found the victorian style house (check previous post). I saw a jewel the first time I went to view this house, yet the locals had no interest in it. I could see why. The yard was dismally unkempt. The house itself had a haunted look. But believe me, after a month of repairing and fixing, the house promises to be a lovely home for my family. It has wooden windows that you pull up or down to open and close. It has white wooden ceilings. The rooms have wooden floors---real wood---I really like the sound of footsteps on wooden floors. I cannot wait to move in already!

Life in this town is simpler than the word simple. I still have a picture in my head of the graduation weekend at the University of Fort Hare. Believe me when I say, you could swear the angels of darkness had landed in Alice. Proud graduates were walking up and down the town as if this is a norm. You would come across them at Banks, supermarkets, etc. going on with their business ---IN THEIR GRADUATION REGALIA! The sight of young people wearing black gowns catching taxis humbled me. It reminded me that not everyone is privileged to come from a home that owns a car. But most importantly, these young people had achieved the most useful achievement ever --- Higher Education. The sound of women ullulating, cars beeping horns made me proud to be a part of a community of REAL PEOPLE! Believe me when I say 'Only in Alice'!

I have been laughing since arriving here. What is regarded to be a decent hang-out spot to have drinks, 'KwaMphathi'----you bring your own glass! Need I say more? The cows this side of the country are the most stubborn creatures I know---they own the main roads!

I have discovered a hangout spot for myself about 10kms from my village---Hogsback. There is a variety of pubs on this lovely mountain. It reminds me of Brokeback Mountain! Here, you forget there is Black and White...the White folk you will find at the pubs are only to happy to welcome you to join them----genuinely so!

Only problem----Tamela---my three year old cannot get over the fact that there is a serious lack of White people around here! She's asked me more than once, "Khanya abekho abeLungu la. Why?"....

I'm keeping an open mind---so far so good though!

Let me tell you about iRhawuti

Sometime ago I had a conversation with a collegue who has become a very close friend. We were talking about the demise of the company we work for (well that I used to work for at the time). We were both very distressed since it had been more than a week waiting in vain for our monthly salaries. You can imagine the flow of the conversation considering the broken state (penniless) of the the two sistas having it.

However, the conversation soon changed and there was a lot of laughter from both of us. I guess this is one of the reason we became friends---we laugh so hard when we laugh, you'd be scared to join b'cos you probably wouldn't match the pitch. Anyway, let me tell you why we found ourselves in stitches.

We started talking about how unfriendly Jozi is to people who are broke. A lack of money for two days is likely to drive you insane in this side of the country. You see, the thing is everyone has a similar mindset here --- 'I came here to make money'! The ultimate objective is to go back home to eDikeni/Mqanduli/Libode/Kuruman/ etc. driving the biggest car than your cousin! You think I'm lying? I have lived here long enough to know that this is true!

So if everyone came here to make money, no one has spare cash to help you in your two days of financial distress. And please don't be a hater---don't you know how to budget kanti wena?

If I am going to be Mother Teressa with my hard earned cash kweliRhawuti---how exactly do you expect me to show up at Cubana Lounge/ ZAR/etc? Phela a Phuza Thursday sets you back by at least R300. Yes! An average plate of 6 prince prawns and a green salad will cost me at least R100. Then I will have 3 or 4 Long Island/Daquiri/Gin, whatever it is I will be fancying. These will cost around R40 a glass. And then, you dare not dine/have drinks with me and not tip the waiter---no matter how crappy the service! Voila---R300 gone in one night, and this is going to be four times in a month!

Now tell me, can you really afford to be without moola here? No!

Whilst we were at it, we also agreed that Jozi is also not kind to singles, including boyfriendless girls! Woman, you don't have a man? You are on your own! You will spend 80% of your time with your colleagues if not your house helper! Normal people respect work and do not touch alcohol between Monday and Wednesday! On Thursday, this is the day it is legal and acceptable (not accepted by the law though ---lol) to drink alcohol. But still, you will not see Phindi, Thuli, Kim and Bongi. These girls are in serious relationships and have no time to be galavanting with you stuck up women at bars smoking things coming out of Egyptian looking pipes! Phindi will be bonding with Zweli because Zweli is having a hectic time at work. Thuli will be helping Sazi pack for his business trip to Hong Kong. Kim is helping Dave finish up his Masters Dessertation. Bongi is a born again Christian and her fiance Monwabisi will never approve of the places you ladies hang out at! So guess what? You will be spending time with Nonhle who last had a boyfriend two years ago, she has even stopped updating you guys about her new man because---it is always a new man! Zandi will also join you because she is gatvol with Siya who last month said he is not sure about a future with her. You will be there because you have been divorced for two years now and have been going out religiously to enjoy what the other long time single ladies have been enjoying whilst you were stuck in a rut of a marriage. Besides, everyone tells you---Khanya, you are still young, go out there and find your man!

Friday is Boys' night out, so all the girls that are hitched are staying at home baby-sitting! Saturday---your friends are attending Dora's funeral koKasi or hubby's mom's 60th birthday! Unless you want to be bored and lonely for yet another weekend, you will attend Dora's funeral as well---ohh, did I mention that you have never even met Dora? Yet, you will endure the Saturday morning and its afternoon in your stilletos---painfully so! Your other option is to go peel potatoes and carrots or at least be an usher at Thapelo's mom's 60th birthday!

Hhayi ke Sundays are worse! This is the day of parade for seemingly happy couples! You dress up like your mother's child and dust your bible and hymn book to go to church. As you walk in, you are overwhelemed by the complexity of picking a place to sit! Everywhere you look, people are seated two-by-two! Then you finally spot that guy you've always thought he is kinda cute! You decide to sit at the bench in front of him! Thinking, he must notice me---when you did your quick scan, the ladies sitting on that bench are really nothing to write home about! Come announcements time---you know that time they announce birthdays, new jobs/promotions, anniversaries and angagements? Mr Khalipa announces the engagement of Zethu and Sinazo! You clap like everyone else. Sinazo is a choir member, so she sits at the choir vestry (at all times).  You realise everyone is glancing at the back, you also glance to see this guy that of all women chose Sinazo who has a bad acne and does not have a great dress sense. OMG, Zethu is the guy you fancy! As the congregation takes on hymn number 82, you have suddenly lost the energy to be loud and can't move with the zest you had earlier on!

After church, you drive straight to Woolies Foods, to get some comfort food since you will be having this lunch alone ---again! The sight of lovey dovey couples fighting over which dessert to buy for the Sunday lunch threatens to drive you up the Berlin Wall! Then you resort to buying all the Sunday papers and you go straight to your lovely apartment, sit on the floor and spread the tabloid papers on the floor. By the time you are done, you realise you almost finishd the 500g tub of chocolate mousse---all by yourself!

By 19:00 you drag yourself towards your room. Check the telly for nice programs---nothing! The guy from next door back home calls you to ask for your cousin Lizo's number! You are so happy to be talking to someone. You are going on and on asking the poor guy about the village mgosi! You wonder why he seems cold and astonished! You've never given the guy this much attention, he is confused and wishes he could ask you if you are fine---but he won't dare after you left him at the bus stop last December and never offered him a lift!

Before you realise, it is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday---the mind your business days!

Let me stop now---I think you get the picture! Don't say I did not warn you about eliRhawuti!

My 51 randoms

1. My real name is Nolukhanyo---but it all got lost in translation. In 1976, when my mother went to the then Population Registry Department, the Afrikaans speaking clerk spelt it as Nokanyo (my ID reflects this). When I started primary schooling in Durban, my teachers wanted to Zululise it, so they called me Nokukhanya. My white teachers at Sacred Heart would call me Nokhanyanyano! To make things easy for everyone, when I started varsity---I relaunched myself as KHANYA.
2. The direct meaning of my surname Bovula is "the MATING of the beasts". It's not so comfortable announcing it---if you know what I mean.
3. I can milk a cow, goat and sheep.
4. My kinky hair has not been chemically processed in more than 10 years.
5. I cringe when I have to check my bank balance----always! Even on payday!
6. I am considered a great (but very LAZY) cook by my family and friends.
7. I can carry a 20L bucket of water on my head---without holding it!
8. I crush my bones---hence I do not quite enjoy restaurants---because I have to leave the bones intact!
9. I get an orgasm when I'm on the treadmill for more than 5 minutes ---- not sure if this is normal.
10. I'm a late bloomer (in every way possible).
11. I'm growing grey hair and it is spreading like fire.
12. I prefer shower gels to soap bars
13. I do not like cereal ---it tastes like grass and makes me sick the whole day
14. I've been told that I'm very good at animated storytelling
15. I love the beach and enjoy the feeling of beach sand on my feet
16. My excess weight is not due to starch as I rarely eat bread, rice, pap or even pasta!
17. I love my meat on the bone and a rind of fat (I know it's bad---but hey!)
18. I drink tea/coffee only when I'm hungry and lazy to chew
19. I swear by Redbull, Mitchum, Lipton Ice tea, Sunlight diswashing liquid/ green bar soap/ hand washing powder/fabric softener
20. I'm very bad with lyrics---there is not a single song I know all the right lyrics for
21. I was a teenager when I had my first child
22. My 16 year old daughter inspires me as she tends to master most things I have failed at ----she's a school junkie, she is deligent with her homework, she's a good time-keeper, she is well organised.
23. I was considered an achiever as a school pupil ---not so sure anymore
24. I do think I'm funny---pls don't burst my bubble!
25. I am late sleeper and AM NOT a morning person
26.My driving is off the hook apparently!
27. I have driven between Polokwane and Johannesburg (310km) in 2 Hours (stupid I know)
28. I sometimes suspect that I have a calling to work for the Church (clergy)
29. My dreams are mostly spot on
30. I enjoy the company of teenagers---their music, their lingo, etc
31. I do not swear
32. I despise bad spelling and grammar
33. I hate shorthand writing (your mxit kind of writing drives me crazy)
34. I have a fear of rivers/forests/the dark/---I somehow believe that there is a lot going on in the spirit world that we are not aware of as humans
35. I research conspiracy theories and believe some of them
36. I enjoy watching the Crime and Investigation Channel
37. I love Africa Magic
38. My better half must love literature, be eloquent, love travelling, politically aware, love good food, enjoy showering, cut nails religiously, have a cleanly shaven head
39. I believe alcohol is essential to ease tension
40. I smoke only when I'm having an alcoholic beverage---and I puff (never inhale)
41. I give generously
42. I enjoy sermons given by a traditional African lay preacherman (the ranting, loosing the voice kind of preaching)
43. I'm a natural risk taker
44. I prefer beer to ciders; red wine to white wine; whisky to brandy/cognac
50. I'm not a motherly mother (bad I know ---but I'm dead without a full time nanny)
51. BONUS: I SNORE big time!



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