The past few months, with the exception of December have been hell! Those close to me have been witnesses to my trials and tribulations.
My loved ones were quite relieved at the speed with which my permanent separation to my once beloved better half went. I was also amazed as I thought these things took time. I have heard of people waiting for as long as 3 some 5 years for the finalisation of their divorces. Mine took a mere two months.
I did not take for granted that life would not necessarily be a breeze soon after my divorce. But I did not anticipate as much pain. Suddenly I found myself on a roller-coaster ride! If you've been on the Anaconda at the Gold-reef City, analogically, you will know what I'm talking about. Anyway back to my roller-coaster, as I was saying, it's been tough.
Over the years I have grown to believe that, yes, I am a tough cookie! But, take away my means of transport, I crumble like a cookie.
December 15 is my friend Sthe's birthday, so we have taken to always celebrating it on the 16th (yes, this being a public holiday). So there I was in Soweto, Dobsonville, enjoying myself right through the night. As we both live in the North, we decided to follow each other after the party.
I was suddenly taken back by the slowness of my car. Me and my friend are quite competitive on the road. With both of us driving German made cars, though we have never had a discussion about this, I can read her mind, and I know when it's time to prove who the real Michael Schumaker is between the 2 of us.
As I was saying, I was expecting that I would be tailing right behind her 1 series. I had no desire to overtake as I knew it was the new boyfriend that was behind the wheel. I just thought it would be disrespectful to want to race with him. But, hey wena, my Audi was just not moving. The Mr in front of me could see I was having a problem and he indicated to get into the next garage. The sound the car was making, you could have sweared that it was an 18 wheeler truck!
The poor petrol attendants then enthusiastically wanted to open the bonnet and check for me what the problem was. They told me one of the weirdest things I have ever heard, they said the problem was that the oil in the car was more than the required limit, meaning that there was not enough oil pumped into the engine, it was simply refusing to oil the engine, prefering to rest in the oil pump. I was advised the best thing to do would be to take the car to it's manufacturer, which I did the following day!
I was shocked to learn that the unpleasent sound was caused by a damaged oil pump. "What would have caused this damage", I asked diligently. I was more shocked to learn that sand was found in the pump and they made sure that I understood that it was A LOT of sand, and the only way it could have gotten there is through the hand of a human being. I thought that was very naughty of this anonymous human being, I quickly changed from thinking it was naughty and quickly concluded that this was a VERY EVIL person! Why would they do that? To cause me pain and suffering, as I was vehemently informed that the damage would cost R18000, as not only was the oil pump damaged, but also the Turbo as it needed oil to function properly! It does occur to me now that, actually, this person wanted me DEAD! I can't even picture myself dead, why is it that easy for a fellow human being?
I then remembered that two months before all of this, my helper and I woke up to a nasty shock of my vandalised car right in my yard! I had been out with friends, and came back quite late! If you don't know, let me inform you: I am a the most paranoid creature when it is dark! So it goes without saying that even a moving branch of a tree (swiftly moved by a tender breeze) has the potential of sending terrible shivers down my spine. To give you a clearer picture, at night I am always convinced that there is someone behind me, so you will find me watching my back quite often than a normal person would.
Where was I again? Ohh yes....I come back late and remember that, 'damn my supposed to be automatic garage door' is malfunctioning. Mind you I had had to open my 'malfunctioning supposed to be automated gate' manually. So you can understand that at this point my phobia of the night is starting to creep in and I'm already thinking that if there is a mugger/thief watching me out there, I have already wasted too much time and he is probably now ready to pounce. At that point I decide that...hmm...it will take too long to have to get ofut of the car, manually open the garage door, get in the car, get out, manually close the garage door again....So, what do I do, I decide that aag, I have a dog, it will bark if there is a problem, and in any case, these German cars have very reliable safety features, the alarm will definitely notify me if there is a problem. So with the gate closed behind me, I park the car right next to my Helper's room, with the hope that she will be the first one to hear any noise if there is a problem.
Alas, in the morning my Helper calls me to ask if I have seen the damage on my car. I rush to see for myself...OMG! The whole front bumper is hanging, almost on the floor! I knew immediately that this was the work of someone who did not necessarily want to steal my bumper....some hater out there who is not happy with my happiness...they need to see me suffer! Did I suffer? You bet I did!!!! To replace the bumper would have cost me an arm and a leg! I would have had to fork out money I did not have to pay the access on insurance! So what did I do? As a true Darkie who know people who know people , I had my bumper fixed eLokshini! Yes, I did! Don't even cringe, 'cos iviri liyajikajika! Next year it could be you and you will be looking for me wanting my Lokshin contacts...at that time I am advisor to President Thabo MuBheki (apply English accent here) and I'm globe-trotting! What, yes I do know who the current President is, and yes, I have a problem with that....LMAO!!!
But you see what I mean? As this all happens, I do not have anyone to comfort me! Not even a shoulder to cry on! Have you forgotten how this whole conversation started kanti, remember I informed you that I am permanently separated from my then 'better half'! So I find myself having to understand what a Turbo is and what the purpose of a Radiator is....like I ever cared before!
So ke, after I have told you my long sobby story....do you have an uncle I can play with in the mean time, until another Mr Right comes? I promise I will be good to him! I just need his shoulder to cry on! Whilst I may sound desperate, I will not even consider Uncles from places like eNkandla or so....please understand, I have enough babies as it is! LOL
