Whispers in the deep: How do you know when God is calling you to his ministry?

I am sure you can tell from the heading of this post that I'm having difficulty putting things into perspective.

Now most of you that know me very well will have difficulty trying to connect the content of this post to me. Don't worry, you are not alone, I myself am not even sure where I am going with this. So yes, I have decided to share the burden of my provocative thoughts with you as well.

So---you are cordially invited to help me carry the burdern.

Now where do I start? Anywhere, I guess.

I remember a time when I was seven years old. I was enrolled at the local primary school of Gilton Location (proudly called by it's residents ---KwaNomadolo), a village at the foot of the Hogsback Mountain, near the Tyume River, in Alice. I was doing the then Sub B (Grade 2 class).
I had just come back from school and was sitting under my Grandfather's favourite tree with my cousins. The popular practice those days was to gang up children of the same age group to eat together in one dish. For the life of me, I still do not understand the logic to this practice, but I had accepted several possible reasons. Amongst other reasons, I assumed that it was either that the adults didn't want to end up with a lot of dishes to wash, or they were simply teaching us the concept of sharing. Now , that is neither here nor there, so let us revert back to the story I'm telling you.

As we were savouring the daily serving of umphokoqo namasi (dry pap ans sour milk), we were engaged in a discussion with uTamkhulu (Grandfather). Out of this discussion emerged a question: "So what do you children want to become when you grow up?"

I cannot remember how everybody else responded to this question, possibly because I thought their answers were not clever enough, but believe it or not, I clearly remember my own response. "I want to be a priest Tamkhulu," I responded without expecting any further enquiries to my answer. "Why do you want to become a priest? You are top achiever in your class, don't you think you could do something clever with the gift that God has afforded you?" Tamkhulu asked and I did not sense any irritation in his tone of voice. I'm sure you expect me to still remember how I responded, neh! Please give me a break, I may have been a smart kid compared to you, yes you, I was only seven!

The second incident was when I was enrolled for standard seven (grade 9). Actually, between grade 9 and Grade 11, I had a recurring dream that is still as clear today as it was then. In this dream, I live in a country where everything is pure white in colour! The sky is white, the ground is white, I could not make out any other colur except white. I could see myself taking instructions from a man who was so tall you could not see the end of him. One of the instructions, was for me to clean toilets that were so dirty that no one wanted to use them. Well, don't ask me how I could see the dirt when I said everything was white---it's a dream! I took on this task and carried it out with so much ease and the larger than life man was quite pleased with my work.

Being an analytical person by nature, I explored possible meanings to this dream. The only logical conclusion was that 'God was calling me to work for him.' Obviously I was too young to take any of this seriously. As a person who was schooling in a convent school, I had access to people who have dedicated their entire lives to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit---you guessed right---the nuns. What? Me? A nun? No, wrong conclusion you have there, I did not even think that God wanted me to join the Sisters of the Cloth, but rather, to join his Ministry as a Clergy.

Well, we all know now that I did not pursue any of that, because here I am today, as ordinary as you are...LoL. Yes, I love my whisky and my red wine. Ohh yes, I have a puffing habit I so desperately need to stop! For a while, I thought these two things are the things I would find it difficult to give up if I were to respond to this call that I seem to be hearing.

What makes me think that I am the one? I think I could offer several reasons:
1) The stories I have related above
2) In ten years of working, I am in my 7th job. I'm not a passionate Economist, maybe it's time I did something else.
3) I have a very rare gift of having people wanting to listen to me (well, most of the times). My opinion is usually respected.
4) I am usually commended for applying a thorough thought process before I offer advice.
5) I share to the point of going into poverty myself.
6) I have lived a turbulent life full of loads of trials and tribulations, but I consider myself a happy person, who accepts life's difficulties as worthy experiences.
7) I am a good story teller----possibly an interesting preacher! Shy is not a word to describe me!

What makes me doubt that I am the one?
1) I do not always follow through with everything I set out to do
2) I like finer things in life
3) I have an enquiring mind, to the point of sometimes wanting to dismiss some of Christianities history.
4) I am not methodical. Whilst I almost always achieve desired results, I do not like sticking to conventional methods of solving problems.
5) I am a procastinator.
6) I can be judgemental at times!
7) I like my whisky and wine, throw in an occasional puff whilst you at it! I'm sure I can have a sip of wine at the church vestry just before I conduct the sermon...LMAO...but seriously, I do sit with my priest and engage in serious discussions over a glass(es) of whisky (he is my cousin shame...is that allowed though...LOL)

So there you have it! You see what I mean when I say you have to help me carry this burden?

But I kid you not, everytime I am at church and there is a preacherman at the pulpit, I always picture myself doing the same! I don't know if I can attach any meaning to that!


Now what do I do?

I'll tell you what I have decided to do!

1) I am going to try and commit myself to attending and getting actively involved at church as often as I can.
2) I have filled out the application forms to UNISA's Theology Faculty.
3) I will not chastise myself....If it works out ....Glory be to God...If it does not...hey I'm still human!

And you?--------------Just let me be---------I'm your friend....aren't I....now easy with the judgement!

We are slowly but surely embracing a moegoe mindset

I am now starting to stress about where we are going. Have you seen how everyone takes us for granted? The government, marketers, the international media---or am I being paranoid?



The last blow for me was when I opened my mailbox this past weekend. You will not believe how excited I was when I got a letter in my P.O. Box that had the word DISCOUNT written in prominent bold letters. Any good news in this recession will make a Black sister excited, especially if it is an opportunity to pay less than you would normally pay for a service.



There I was excited and taking my time to read the good news from SAPO, "Pay your annual box rental early and receive a discount. If you renew your box rental early, you will pay only R285.00." Under normal circumstances, this would amount to good news. But hang on a second, the post office normally charges R287.00 for a box rental. In essence, if you pay early, you stand to save R2.00. It was at this point that I felt my intelligence was being insulted, big time. I mean really now! I visualised myself rushing to the counters to take advantage of this advantage---for once our Post Office showing goodwill---I am not lying to you, I pictured myself getting good service from a teller with the most genuine smile, and hearing him/her (hopefully a he), say, "Mam, you will be pleased to know that because you have renewed your box on time, you qualify for a discount." Then I will be smiling and waiting to hear how much I have managed to save, "You are getting R2.00 back in your pocket!" Now I promise you, at this time, no matter how handsome and sexy this guy serving would be looking, I know I would start to see him looking like Robert Mugabe!

They must really think we are moegoes!

Don't even get me started with the Government that is scamming us everyday! I began suspecting that the agenda to scam us was gaining momentum and will not come to an end anytime soon when Schabir was getting sick almost every month. We all know where that ended and I do not want to stress myself by mentioning it again. But hey, they did that only because they think we are moegoes---I hope someone will agree with me here!


What about the unfolding story of the communists and unionists trying to takeover the mighty ANC of Albert Luthuli, Walter Sisulu, etc. The Polokwane Conference leadership seems to be surprised by this turn of events. Are they really surprised? Because, believe me, if they are, then at least I know I'm not the only moegoe. Am I the only person struggling to watch TV news, for fear of disgust, at the one man who seems to have all the answers to South Africa's political and social ills. I'm sure you know this man. The question I always ask myself is that if he has such brilliant ideas and answers, why has his party diminished to a party of 10? Soon it will be a one man party! Mr Blade Nzimande is always convinced that his is a brilliant idea---oh well, he wouldn't be a politician if he didn't now would he?

What about the bespectacled one? The one that likes posing as an expert in matters of the economy. The one that's always crying about inflation targeting being a wrong policy. If it's not that, it's the Reserve Bank that is not doing well to manage the SA currency, or this and that! Has he ever come forward with a brilliant proposal? I can't recall, sorry! But if he had, you and I would know! In fact the last time he sounded brilliant was before his technical guru, Dr Neva Makgetla, left to advise the former president. Now, all you will hear him saying nowadays is a re-iteration of whatever the young lion, Mr Julius Malema, will have said. Shu!

What about the Secretary General? Let me not go there, I'm already sounding like a disappointed Bafana Bafana coach after eight out of nine defeats.

All I am trying to point out is that, the ANC as we know it, is either in hibernation, or dead! The vacuum is just too obvious. It has been infiltrated so much such that it's no longer infiltration, but rather a hostile take-over by the far left.

The question is do we stick to the organisation that our fore-fathers and mothers built for the sake of loyalty, or do we use the still beautiful brains we have left to see the light and acknowledge the need to change course? How can we (the clever ones) infiltrate our beloved ANC? Do we stand a chance?

My worry with all that is happening around us is the short term memory that we tend to have as an African people! What do the following names have in common:

• Mobutu Sese Seko of Zaire
• Teodoro Obiang Nguema of Equatorial Guinea
• Idi Amini of Uganda
• Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe

I'm thinking greed, corruption, oppression, massacre, genocide, blood diamonds, you name it! Who of these leaders was not filthy rich whilst in and after office? Do you think they wrote letters to their constituencies and informed them that they were going to do all the nasty things they did? Back in the day, no one saw it coming. That's what I've been gathering from the few history books I have read!

I have participated in my country's national election four times! The first three times, I was very emotinal about the whole thing! After all, I have an uncle (Sipho Hashe) who was one of the PEPCO 3 who was brutally killed by the apartheid government. Yes, Vuyo Makhubu who carried Hector Peterson to the clinic after he was short by the apartheid police,vanished into thin air, and so on and so on! The fourth time I had to vote was very difficult! When I decided to change course and vote differently from before, I was ridiculed and made to feel stupid. It was that exciting time when COPE provided an alternative for a disgruntled ANC voter. I made public (on Face Book nogal) my support for this new baby in the political zone! Shu!! Was I chastised when we gannered only a million votes after all the hoola baloo we made!

But make no mistake....I am proud I saw it coming! The ruling party needs to be made aware that it is no longer to be Votes Galore! If my vote is going to help you get 2 vehicles at the cost of R1,5m, allow you 3 months' accommodation at Cape Town's Table Bay hotel without you worrying about how much its costs, give your wife (whose only qualification is a Seamstress Certificate) an opportunity to win a tender worth more than R5m to check if all TV's are in a good working condition----yes----I will rather be publicly ridiculed for not voting for you even though you single handedly freed me from oppression!

Now if the way I think is typical of MOEGOE MINDSET...I'd rather be a moegoe! Or better still, you would rather call me a mampara? That's also perfect!

Now, I'm off on my way to attend a Mampara's festival.....LMAO ;-)

Do you know your calling?

Do you know if your vocation is your calling? Does it even matter to you? Does your vocation 'feed' you or 'drain' you? Do you look forward to Mondays or do you dread them?

Many of us have more than once set on the journey of finding one's self. Our era is blessed with information that is disseminated via several platforms of media. There are more than enough malls in each city where notable bookshops are spread like mushrooms in a grassy loan on a warm dewy morning. With more and more citizens having access to cable TV, the number of good talk-shows where more information is disseminated has also increased. I have learnt so much from shows like Oprah, Dr Phil, etc.

I don't know if I am the only one, but I do enjoy spending time at the local CNA/Exclusice Books (etc.) aisles just paging through various book offerings without having to buy. Everyone living in the North of Joburg will know that driving from Fourways to any direction is a nightmare. Radio 702 and SA FM have made my morning drives bearable---I love talk shops!

The point I'm trying to get at is that, with so much information available, and having access to all the platforms of information dissemination, why do I find myself still lost and confused?

I tease you not, I am losing patience and faith here! What is wrong with me? Why is it that other people get it right from the first time? In 10 years, I'm on my 7th job already. It has come to a point where I cannot even blame the employer anymore. Yes! I know the problem is me!

To make matters worse, I know for a fact that I am not the only one feeling this way! At all the Phuza Thursdays, Girlfriend Fridays, Slumber parties (yeah...i'm lucky enough to have friends who are still into slumber parties), this issue is always lucky enough to find itself part of our discussions!

Were my school teachers wrong about me? Why did they make me believe that I was going to be something of note one day? All those maths problems we had to solve, the history dates we had to remember, those Biology drawings we had to cram into our heads----for what? Gosh, was I not scared to fail Zulu (because if you did, you would have failed the grade), whoopp we went on and on memorising "Izigaba zamabizo"---I still remember---Umu-; Aba-; Ubu-; Imi.....Where were you when we were memorising the Periodic Table?

All of this for what? Paying FNB bond, Wesbank car, Eskom and getting a few consumables from Pick 'n Pay? It does not stop there ---- to enjoy TV you must give some thing to Multi-Choice (SABC TV license is also calling to remind you every month); MaKhumalo is also waiting for her ration for minding my child! It goes on and on!

Sometimes you hear of people who cracked the big time, when they are asked how they did it ---"It's all about being at the right place at the right time", they will say. How nice---what about me? Am I always at the right place wrong time, wrong place wrong time, what, heh?

The sad thing is knowing that the world we live in is run by people who at most occupy positions they have not been called for by forces of the universe. That is why service delivery is so crappy! People who should be ploughing fields or driving municipal lorries and disposing waste are occupying positions of power. What do they do whe they get there? They market Jimmy Choo, fill their pockets with my 14% VAT contribution, whilst I'm toiling away producing reports that nobody wants to read!

Don't worry, I will keep on looking out for my calling....I better find it before my first wrinkle!

Had I not started with breeding brats, I kid you not, I would have long packed my bags to the Antartica!

My creator saw it long before me....he decided to give me these brats in order to make sure that I am firmly grounded! I thank him for that!

Congratulations to all of you who have found their true vocations!