Eish....I've been pondering on this topic and wondering if I should put it out there. You see, whilst I am naturally a storyteller and as my friends would bluntly put it "wakhatywa lihhashi esifubeni", which when loosely translated means I am a person of very few secrets...the reality is there are many things about ubungoma/gqirha that one is not allowed to share loosely with common people---yes, people like you - abangathwasanga. On the same breadth though, it is quite tempting to share some of the blonde moments in the quest to open your eyes that ours is not a life where one can take things for granted.
Let me take a chance and see if I will be punished for letting you in.
The following are just some of the moments where I have felt fed-up with it all, only to laugh at myself later on:
1. Sleeping endumbeni
There are times when you want to be close to aakhehla akho and the best thing to do during those tims is to sleep endumbeni. But there are rules to be observed endumbeni at all times. In fact, the reason for the post is an experience I had at the wee hours of this morning.
Before I went to bed i was feeling really cold and needed something to quickyly warm me up, so I took a cup of coffee to endumbeni to sleep. When I finished the coffee, I had a really bad headache and drank half a jug of water. I dosed off. At exactly 3:00 am, I somehow woke up.
Damn, I needed to take a pee really badly. Then I remembered I would have to go outside to pee---you can't exactly pee emsamo! I panicked as I remembered that OMG, 3 am is known to be the time witches when witches are roaming around doing their thing. This is also the time known to be for zombies (izithunzela/imikhovu). Even ghosts are roaming freely at this hour! "What am I to do?" I was panicking, like SERIOUSLY! "I have to be strong", I told myself. I went ahead and opened the door. I did not even want to take a chance and look around for possible danger/threat. There I was, taking them undies off and started relieving myself. Then, gq gq gq, the sound of hasty footsteps coming towards my direction. ALAS....all hell broke lose at that moment! I won't lie to, there was no time to finish the relief exercise, so yes, with them undies down...I ran towards the door of indumba. All I was thinking, whatever it is that is coming, will have to drag me out---"I willnot be an easy victim". Mind you, as I am running back towards the door, the peeing continues---remember the pressure was too much from the onset! Did I not forget that I had to pull my step-up because of the stoep? Off course I fell so hard on my knees and on my very own pee! As I tried to pull myself up, there was Blackberry and Tshisa (my dogs) licking my feet! Yessssss, it was Blackberry and Tshisa's footsteps I was running away from!
I couldn't help but be angry at myself! In all my life of just over three decades, I have never seen a ghost/zombie/witch with my naked eye...but the fear of the unknown can be overwhelming.
2. Cleansing after a date with my Boo
This is one of the basic rules of isangoma/gqirha/mthandazeli.
Your body should be regarded by you as a sacred space. You carry in you powerful spirits. Ephehlweni you will always be reminded, "Idlozi, alihlali endaweni engcolile!" One should always have the body cleansing mixture ready for when you come back from playing x-rated games at all times.The trick is, you cannot enter isigodlo before your body is properly cleansed.
Heeeehhh...in the not so distant past, like recently, I wish I could kill myself on this particular shushu day!
As I was driving towards the homestead, I noticed a car I could not immediately recognise parked under a tree in the yard. Suddenly I had a conviction...."damn, I have visitors esigodlweni!" Then I remembered that the cleansing mixture had finished, I had forgotten to make another one to prepare for 'imini zikaxakeka'. I wanted to die when I remembered that there was only my mother at home. There was no child or thwasa I could deligate to prepare the mixture for me. The guests, I remembered, I had given them this date to come back for further treatment. Mind you, they came from a town over 200km from my town, so I could not turn them back.
That day I had to bow down and be exposed to my mother whom when I asked to enter the indumba to get the cleansing stuff for me, knew exactly what I had been up to! The look in her eyes made me feel like a teenager that was troublesome! "Uyinyanga into oyiyo, sukudlalisa apha!" (you are a healer, stop playing around)...those were her exact words!
I went to wash. Now, you have to know that this mixture contains an ingredient called 'uMasixabane'...those who know what it is will tell you that this is one bulb that leaves prolonged really itchy effects! Thinkin about it makes me feel the stinging itch right now!
There was no time to tend to my itchy self, I had to quickly attend to my clients! ALAS, they had not only come for their treatment, they had brought a relative who wanted me to throw bones and devine! I hated every moment of that consultation! But it was the quickest consultation ever! I have heard before that 'uMasxabane' makes you sharp ezindabeni! I got to the problem faster than I have ever devined in my short Mngoma life!
As they were leaving, the wife of the client recommended an ointment I can use to relieve the 'itch'...and I thought to myself...."If only you knew my dear!"
Needless to say, I could not keep the promise to visit the 'Boo' again that day! He also did not call to find out why I had not gone back. Guess why....he is also a trainee Sangoma... as we discussed it later on in the week, I laughed when he told me that he was praying that I would not come back that day as he also was not in the mood for another dose of 'uMasxabane' the following day!
Let me stop right there....before I share too much!
