Let’s roll with LIFE HAPPENS and see where it will lead us!
-----You can’t believe I am looking for emojis to express my current emotion right
now. Social media writing is such a spoiler. I have to remind myself that blog
writing is expressive, an emoji cannot replace the need to define a definite
emotion---- Bear with me, I will get the hang of it as we move right along.
LIFE HAPPENS ----My moemish moments (2009 – 2017)
Dating Moemish NUMBER 1
As a divorcee (2009) , getting back to the dating scene has
not been without moemish moments. I remember a time when I was MCeeing at a
friend’s lavish wedding reception. It was a beautiful day marked with several
glitches that cost me the opportunity to enjoy my very first MC role. On that
day I could have concluded that I would never accept a request to MC any event
ever in my life again. But as God loves us all, I am happy to share that I have
since had many opportunities to master the art of being a Programme Director.
That is not where we are though.
The glitches on that evening include the fact that the
seating arrangements were not posted on the notice board for guests to know
which table to go to. The person that was supposed to be the custodian of the
list even so much as denied knowing that she had to fetch the list from the
printers….CAN YOU IMAGINE! A wedding sponsored by True Love Magazine Nogal!
This very first glitch meant that as the person with the mic had to shout to an
audience of about 200 guests announcing table numbers and coming up with some
kind of a system to get guests to be seated as quickly as possible. This was a
tiresome exercise! Moving from one corner to another, fetching VIP guests
(father of the groom, uncle, etc.) to at least have them get the front tables.
Imperatively, let me tell you that the pencil heel shoes I was wearing were
refusing to bond with the vast cobra oil polished floor. I had to mind my every
step! Did I mention the pair of shoes was a stiletto sandal bought brand new
from ALDO! I thought comfort would come from the genuine leather, but the heel
was just not coping with the weight exerted onto it for such a lengthy period.
Perhaps, if it was only the shoe that was a problem, we would be talking a
different story.
You see, like most other fuller figured ladies (or may be
overweight -----looool, blogging must accept emojis as well), I also collect
different kinds of underclothing that are meant to make one look a size or two
smaller. On this day I had put on a brand new pair of panties from Woolies….the
type that collects your woobly tummy together. I made the mistake of trying to
be smart and get a pair that is one size smaller than my usual size. Needless
to say, the discomfort I felt throughout the night was too agonising.
I will not dwell on how the day went, I trust that by now we
all get the picture. However, at the end of a very long evening, we were invited
to the groom’s home, where we were going to have a braai and drinks. Before I
left the venue though, as much as I thought my Programme Directing was appalling,
there were few nice people that approached to give me a heads up.
We are getting closer to where we are going with this….your patience
is much appreciated thus far. I distinctly remember two guys that had sweet
little things to say. One of them was going to join us at the braai, the other
offered an apology that he would not be able to join us. The gentleman that was
not joining us was unfortunately not so pleasing to the eye (think of that guy
with colourful shirts on Muvhango….his name escapes me right now). He was
friends with the gentleman that would be joining us. Need I say that the mister
that would be joining us was indeed a hottie.
I was quite pleased that I was apparently still attractive.
Mister Hottie quickly became a promising boo to be, taking care of my needs at
the braai. At this point, I was a lot more relaxed…I took the shoes off the
moment I got into the car. I was bare footed for the rest of the evening
(kudala ngathwasa shame….loooool). The panties together with the one night
dress were in the boot. I felt very comfortable in my pair of jeans (people
were still dressed to the nines….looooool….did I care?)
My friends envied me for getting Mr Hotty’s attention.
Overnight he seemed like one of us. Eventually, we all had to call it a day and
go back to our ordinary lives full of Generations and Muvhango. But Mr Hotty
did the honourable thing and asked for my number.
Let us fast forward to four days later. Mr Hotty calls and
asks what I would be doing Thursday evening. I let him know we would be having
a girls’ night out at the Cubana Lounge in Fourways. I was going to be meeting
my friends Londeka and Eustacia for sundowners. He politely asked if he could
come pop in for a moment. Of course, I needed to brag to my crew that this
train was moving faster than I thought. They all had been pestering me about moving
on after the divorce.
Mr hotty arrives and quickly spots our table. He comes to
greet and politely requests to have a word with me privately. He was not alone
though. Remember the not so good looking guy that gave me a heads up at the
wedding (let’s call him Muvhango) ….yeah, he was with him. I did not see a need
to refuse, so I followed them as they looked for an empty table. Mr Hotty
indeed promises my friends a good time (drinks on him) when he comes back. Little
did I know that this meant he was going to be introducing me to Muvhango. There
is certainly nothing wrong with introductions (no matter how ugly you are, you
still deserve to be acknowledged), so I had my best smile trying to look like a
nice girl. Mr Hotty then goes on and on about how Muvhango was ataken with me
on the first day he saw me…..HHE BANA! Not long after, he left us to get to
know each other! I was dismayed! Having presented myself as a very sweet and
respectful girl, I could not suddenly change my tune.
I quickly came up with a plan. I was going to send a text
message to my baby’s nanny to call me so I could pretend there was suddenly an
emergency at home. I wrote the message, only saying “Please call me”. My phone
rang. I picked up and went on to act hysterically. I quickly apologised to
Muvhango and went to my friends to tell them I had to rush home. I was confused
though as to why they seemed they were about to burst out laughing. But this
was an emergency, reading people’s faces was not really a top priority. I left
the scene.
As I approached the parking Londeka calls to tell me I had
been busted. The text I thought went to the nanny went to Mr Hotty. I answered
the call without checking who it was and he never said a word. They told me to
come back because Muvhango had decided to leave. Shame….apparently the poor guy
bought the act!
Mr Hotty was still there with my friends….as I entered the
lounge, I was stunned to see him still at the table with my friends. However,
the way he was laughing made me realise he was not so upset with me. He just
could not get over the extent to which I went just to get away from Muvhango.
We remained good friends with Mr Hotty for a good while….what
with him being a nice guy always taking care of the GIRLS.
Yeah….there
you have it Dating Moemish NUMBER 1.
