back in my mother's womb

Somehow, I relate my homecoming to being back in my mother's womb. I'll tell you why.

You see, the experience of finding yourself in a corner where you are faced with a tough decision like leaving the glitzy lifestyle of Jozi behind and heading back home, anyone that says to you that is one of the easiest things to do will be telling you green lies. Personally, I found that arriving at that decision was actualy tougher than deciding to get a divorce.

The decision itself is a rollercoaster ride of emotions: pride, guilt, shame, defeat, helplessness....you get the gist. Having made that decision myself, I went through all kinds of emotions and at times felt that it was never going to get better.

Believe me though, when I say the toughest part is making the decision. Living with the decision is actually the easiest part. In your quest to mantain a positive outlook, you begin to see life differently. Suddenly things that mattered the most just not so long ago (before making the decision) do not matter anymore. The most important person at this moment is you (even if you have children). You suddenly realise that putting other people first is a disservice to your own wellbeing. Without a healthy and content you, your children are robbed of a normal upbringing. No child would enjoy watching their mother going through depression day in and day out. So at this point, priorities are becoming clearer than before.

For me, coming to my mother's house first, before facing the world all on my own again made a positive difference in my life. The first week was spent in bed mostly. My mother made sure that there was no discussion  related to a wayforward and so forth. She spent a lot of time with my children making sure that I was not being disturbed by nosy neighbours and family. Most of all, she made it all look normal. We would drive to town together and laugh about this and that.

The Easter Holiday period also provided another buffer. The arrival of my boyfriend from Cape Town with his much cherished rugby team kept me busy. Seeing him excited about the tournament made me forget a little about my own woes. His laughter is infectious, somehow everyone around us got the impression that we were a very happy couple. Off$ course we were. Laughter is the best medicine during times of uncertainty. Watching the games was a very good distraction.

The best part though was attending Easter sermons at my family church---the church that was build by my very own great grandfather. Feeling the warmth of the parishners made me realise that sometimes we go far to look for happiness, when most of the times we leave that very happiness right behind us when we leaves our homes in pursuit of the worlds' glitzy offerings.

You see, I feel revitalised now. I am happily taking on a new assignment as a freelance writer. There are other positive developments in the pipeline. I'm moving into my new house in a week's time.

Watchin g Generations, Rhythm City, Big Brother is no longer at the top of my to do list everyday. I am so busy sorting my life, I really do not mind missing a whole week of TV viewing!

Did I mention, being in love again, is probably another booster! He is an ordinary man. Dark. Same height as me. Perfect dental formula. Six pack ;-). He is driven by his love for sport development. He prefers Tshisanyama to Spur and the rest. He prefers Savanna to beer. He is as ordinary as they come...and that makes me feel like life is REAL again, after a very long time.

I am in Alice

I did say I was moving back home hey....I am in Alice, my hometown. Like I said in my previous post, iRhawuti made me realise I had overstayed my welcome! I won't dwell---that's not the cow I'm slaughtering today.

Never in my wildest of dreams did I see myself creating a livelihood in this sleepy town. Whilst it is still early days, it does seem like it's almost dawn.

I have been here for just over a month, yet I am already busy with an assignment---but yet again, that's not the cow we a slaughtering today. Did I mention I found the victorian style house (check previous post). I saw a jewel the first time I went to view this house, yet the locals had no interest in it. I could see why. The yard was dismally unkempt. The house itself had a haunted look. But believe me, after a month of repairing and fixing, the house promises to be a lovely home for my family. It has wooden windows that you pull up or down to open and close. It has white wooden ceilings. The rooms have wooden floors---real wood---I really like the sound of footsteps on wooden floors. I cannot wait to move in already!

Life in this town is simpler than the word simple. I still have a picture in my head of the graduation weekend at the University of Fort Hare. Believe me when I say, you could swear the angels of darkness had landed in Alice. Proud graduates were walking up and down the town as if this is a norm. You would come across them at Banks, supermarkets, etc. going on with their business ---IN THEIR GRADUATION REGALIA! The sight of young people wearing black gowns catching taxis humbled me. It reminded me that not everyone is privileged to come from a home that owns a car. But most importantly, these young people had achieved the most useful achievement ever --- Higher Education. The sound of women ullulating, cars beeping horns made me proud to be a part of a community of REAL PEOPLE! Believe me when I say 'Only in Alice'!

I have been laughing since arriving here. What is regarded to be a decent hang-out spot to have drinks, 'KwaMphathi'----you bring your own glass! Need I say more? The cows this side of the country are the most stubborn creatures I know---they own the main roads!

I have discovered a hangout spot for myself about 10kms from my village---Hogsback. There is a variety of pubs on this lovely mountain. It reminds me of Brokeback Mountain! Here, you forget there is Black and White...the White folk you will find at the pubs are only to happy to welcome you to join them----genuinely so!

Only problem----Tamela---my three year old cannot get over the fact that there is a serious lack of White people around here! She's asked me more than once, "Khanya abekho abeLungu la. Why?"....

I'm keeping an open mind---so far so good though!

Let me tell you about iRhawuti

Sometime ago I had a conversation with a collegue who has become a very close friend. We were talking about the demise of the company we work for (well that I used to work for at the time). We were both very distressed since it had been more than a week waiting in vain for our monthly salaries. You can imagine the flow of the conversation considering the broken state (penniless) of the the two sistas having it.

However, the conversation soon changed and there was a lot of laughter from both of us. I guess this is one of the reason we became friends---we laugh so hard when we laugh, you'd be scared to join b'cos you probably wouldn't match the pitch. Anyway, let me tell you why we found ourselves in stitches.

We started talking about how unfriendly Jozi is to people who are broke. A lack of money for two days is likely to drive you insane in this side of the country. You see, the thing is everyone has a similar mindset here --- 'I came here to make money'! The ultimate objective is to go back home to eDikeni/Mqanduli/Libode/Kuruman/ etc. driving the biggest car than your cousin! You think I'm lying? I have lived here long enough to know that this is true!

So if everyone came here to make money, no one has spare cash to help you in your two days of financial distress. And please don't be a hater---don't you know how to budget kanti wena?

If I am going to be Mother Teressa with my hard earned cash kweliRhawuti---how exactly do you expect me to show up at Cubana Lounge/ ZAR/etc? Phela a Phuza Thursday sets you back by at least R300. Yes! An average plate of 6 prince prawns and a green salad will cost me at least R100. Then I will have 3 or 4 Long Island/Daquiri/Gin, whatever it is I will be fancying. These will cost around R40 a glass. And then, you dare not dine/have drinks with me and not tip the waiter---no matter how crappy the service! Voila---R300 gone in one night, and this is going to be four times in a month!

Now tell me, can you really afford to be without moola here? No!

Whilst we were at it, we also agreed that Jozi is also not kind to singles, including boyfriendless girls! Woman, you don't have a man? You are on your own! You will spend 80% of your time with your colleagues if not your house helper! Normal people respect work and do not touch alcohol between Monday and Wednesday! On Thursday, this is the day it is legal and acceptable (not accepted by the law though ---lol) to drink alcohol. But still, you will not see Phindi, Thuli, Kim and Bongi. These girls are in serious relationships and have no time to be galavanting with you stuck up women at bars smoking things coming out of Egyptian looking pipes! Phindi will be bonding with Zweli because Zweli is having a hectic time at work. Thuli will be helping Sazi pack for his business trip to Hong Kong. Kim is helping Dave finish up his Masters Dessertation. Bongi is a born again Christian and her fiance Monwabisi will never approve of the places you ladies hang out at! So guess what? You will be spending time with Nonhle who last had a boyfriend two years ago, she has even stopped updating you guys about her new man because---it is always a new man! Zandi will also join you because she is gatvol with Siya who last month said he is not sure about a future with her. You will be there because you have been divorced for two years now and have been going out religiously to enjoy what the other long time single ladies have been enjoying whilst you were stuck in a rut of a marriage. Besides, everyone tells you---Khanya, you are still young, go out there and find your man!

Friday is Boys' night out, so all the girls that are hitched are staying at home baby-sitting! Saturday---your friends are attending Dora's funeral koKasi or hubby's mom's 60th birthday! Unless you want to be bored and lonely for yet another weekend, you will attend Dora's funeral as well---ohh, did I mention that you have never even met Dora? Yet, you will endure the Saturday morning and its afternoon in your stilletos---painfully so! Your other option is to go peel potatoes and carrots or at least be an usher at Thapelo's mom's 60th birthday!

Hhayi ke Sundays are worse! This is the day of parade for seemingly happy couples! You dress up like your mother's child and dust your bible and hymn book to go to church. As you walk in, you are overwhelemed by the complexity of picking a place to sit! Everywhere you look, people are seated two-by-two! Then you finally spot that guy you've always thought he is kinda cute! You decide to sit at the bench in front of him! Thinking, he must notice me---when you did your quick scan, the ladies sitting on that bench are really nothing to write home about! Come announcements time---you know that time they announce birthdays, new jobs/promotions, anniversaries and angagements? Mr Khalipa announces the engagement of Zethu and Sinazo! You clap like everyone else. Sinazo is a choir member, so she sits at the choir vestry (at all times).  You realise everyone is glancing at the back, you also glance to see this guy that of all women chose Sinazo who has a bad acne and does not have a great dress sense. OMG, Zethu is the guy you fancy! As the congregation takes on hymn number 82, you have suddenly lost the energy to be loud and can't move with the zest you had earlier on!

After church, you drive straight to Woolies Foods, to get some comfort food since you will be having this lunch alone ---again! The sight of lovey dovey couples fighting over which dessert to buy for the Sunday lunch threatens to drive you up the Berlin Wall! Then you resort to buying all the Sunday papers and you go straight to your lovely apartment, sit on the floor and spread the tabloid papers on the floor. By the time you are done, you realise you almost finishd the 500g tub of chocolate mousse---all by yourself!

By 19:00 you drag yourself towards your room. Check the telly for nice programs---nothing! The guy from next door back home calls you to ask for your cousin Lizo's number! You are so happy to be talking to someone. You are going on and on asking the poor guy about the village mgosi! You wonder why he seems cold and astonished! You've never given the guy this much attention, he is confused and wishes he could ask you if you are fine---but he won't dare after you left him at the bus stop last December and never offered him a lift!

Before you realise, it is Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday---the mind your business days!

Let me stop now---I think you get the picture! Don't say I did not warn you about eliRhawuti!

My 51 randoms

1. My real name is Nolukhanyo---but it all got lost in translation. In 1976, when my mother went to the then Population Registry Department, the Afrikaans speaking clerk spelt it as Nokanyo (my ID reflects this). When I started primary schooling in Durban, my teachers wanted to Zululise it, so they called me Nokukhanya. My white teachers at Sacred Heart would call me Nokhanyanyano! To make things easy for everyone, when I started varsity---I relaunched myself as KHANYA.
2. The direct meaning of my surname Bovula is "the MATING of the beasts". It's not so comfortable announcing it---if you know what I mean.
3. I can milk a cow, goat and sheep.
4. My kinky hair has not been chemically processed in more than 10 years.
5. I cringe when I have to check my bank balance----always! Even on payday!
6. I am considered a great (but very LAZY) cook by my family and friends.
7. I can carry a 20L bucket of water on my head---without holding it!
8. I crush my bones---hence I do not quite enjoy restaurants---because I have to leave the bones intact!
9. I get an orgasm when I'm on the treadmill for more than 5 minutes ---- not sure if this is normal.
10. I'm a late bloomer (in every way possible).
11. I'm growing grey hair and it is spreading like fire.
12. I prefer shower gels to soap bars
13. I do not like cereal ---it tastes like grass and makes me sick the whole day
14. I've been told that I'm very good at animated storytelling
15. I love the beach and enjoy the feeling of beach sand on my feet
16. My excess weight is not due to starch as I rarely eat bread, rice, pap or even pasta!
17. I love my meat on the bone and a rind of fat (I know it's bad---but hey!)
18. I drink tea/coffee only when I'm hungry and lazy to chew
19. I swear by Redbull, Mitchum, Lipton Ice tea, Sunlight diswashing liquid/ green bar soap/ hand washing powder/fabric softener
20. I'm very bad with lyrics---there is not a single song I know all the right lyrics for
21. I was a teenager when I had my first child
22. My 16 year old daughter inspires me as she tends to master most things I have failed at ----she's a school junkie, she is deligent with her homework, she's a good time-keeper, she is well organised.
23. I was considered an achiever as a school pupil ---not so sure anymore
24. I do think I'm funny---pls don't burst my bubble!
25. I am late sleeper and AM NOT a morning person
26.My driving is off the hook apparently!
27. I have driven between Polokwane and Johannesburg (310km) in 2 Hours (stupid I know)
28. I sometimes suspect that I have a calling to work for the Church (clergy)
29. My dreams are mostly spot on
30. I enjoy the company of teenagers---their music, their lingo, etc
31. I do not swear
32. I despise bad spelling and grammar
33. I hate shorthand writing (your mxit kind of writing drives me crazy)
34. I have a fear of rivers/forests/the dark/---I somehow believe that there is a lot going on in the spirit world that we are not aware of as humans
35. I research conspiracy theories and believe some of them
36. I enjoy watching the Crime and Investigation Channel
37. I love Africa Magic
38. My better half must love literature, be eloquent, love travelling, politically aware, love good food, enjoy showering, cut nails religiously, have a cleanly shaven head
39. I believe alcohol is essential to ease tension
40. I smoke only when I'm having an alcoholic beverage---and I puff (never inhale)
41. I give generously
42. I enjoy sermons given by a traditional African lay preacherman (the ranting, loosing the voice kind of preaching)
43. I'm a natural risk taker
44. I prefer beer to ciders; red wine to white wine; whisky to brandy/cognac
50. I'm not a motherly mother (bad I know ---but I'm dead without a full time nanny)
51. BONUS: I SNORE big time!



I

The list of my all time favourite albums includes Oldies such as Millie Jackson, Candi Stanton (Here I am ), Joan Amatrading, Cindi Lauper, Shirley Brown, Olletta Adams, Petti Labelle, Kool and the Gang...you get the picture neh! Local Oldies would include Sankomota, Stimela, Soul Brothers, Mahlatini and Mahotela Queens, Stompi Mavi, Joy (Paradise Road), Juluka, etc. My brother Xolile always teases and calls my taste of music 'Clicks' music...apparently it is the kind of music you will hear when at a Clicks/Pick 'n Pay in-house radio shows.

That's it...I really think that more often than not I am misunderstood for not willing to conform. Believe you me, many a times I have tried this conforming thing, but I fail dismally!

I have tried straightening my hair (about 10 years ago)...I swear I looked like Aunt Jane from years yonder!!! I tried the weave about three years ago. I went to a posh salon in Polokwane for the weave....I got really good compliments from my friends....apparently I looked like Noleen Maholwana Sangqu! With all the goodness this hairstyle came with, I could not stand the way it used to make me forget my manners! The itchiness that would come with it would send my fingers to scratch, at times in the middle of important business meetings with very important people. It had to go, three weeks was too much!

Then came my chiskop...this for me was a time of bliss. I needed no showercap when getting in the shower. Vaseline Blue Seal petroleum jelly was good enough to bring a good shinehead! I even mastered the art of shaving my own head! This one hairstyle brought me closer to my partner as all that he needed to do was brush my head for our minds to meet...and sometimes he could achieve more than a mere meeting of the minds ;-) ...if you get my point!

Now, as of this moment, I keep my hair natural....literally! I shower from head to toe! Hairfood is all I need after that...no comb....my fingers are my comb! Once in a while I will be spotting cornrows...but the torment of someone puliing my hair for two hours is rarely justifiable!

What do all these tendencies make me? A village girl (Which I am)? A hippy? I couldn't care if you asked me!

It's not the hair alone by the way that renders me a different kind of a woman! For years I endured suffering simply for being a conformist! You see, whilst I enjoyed the end result of alcohol, the feeling of being tipsy that is (intoxication in virtual terms), it took me a long time to settle for what makes me really happy! I used to drink the likes of 'Savanna and family'...endured the after effects of carrying a heavy head the following day! What about the fact that these were a very reliable laxative the following day! I let this happen to me until I discovered and acquired the taste of Heineken! Twelve dumpies do not guarantee you a bad day the following day....you wake up as if you never spent the night and a quarter of the morning at the Cubana Lounge! Yes, you will endure the funny looks from guys and dolls that are this year's judges of 'Junkee of the Year'....but wena mos you know that's one competition you did not enter!

I don't know if there is something I'm missing by not being a conformist...you tell me....like if each one of us had their own planets...would you visit my planet???

Please don't get me wrong! I conform with everything else that makes our world a better place....like I wash my dog, I pray, I eat meat (not just leaves), I use tissue oil on my stretch marks (for years now...but they are still there...lol), oohh yes....like many people I know...I call cool drink cold drink---not because I don't know---just nje!

Khanya leaves Jozi

Have you ever boarded the wrong taxi? I have. It's one of those moments when you feel like everone else is smarter than you, including the taxi driver (you know how we all agree that taxi drivers are sworn idiots---you'd swear they are of the same mother). Well, at this moment, you are the doff one and he is the smart one---and ohh yes---he will make you feel it! You will get out of that taxi with your invisible tail between your legs!

But that is not the focus of my story today! I was probably just picking your brain. What I want to tell you today is that my life has taken a different form! Pleasantly so! Never in any of my fantasies have I ever fancied living in Alice, despite it being my hometown. This little town has a beautiful history. The likes of Nelson Mandela, Mangosuthu Buthelezi, Robert Mugabe, Z.K. Matthews, John Tengo Jabavu, Nomzamo Winnie Mandela, and a whole lot of people who feature prominently in the political history of this country---all these people received their enlightenment from institutions based in this sleepy town. I, myself received my colours from KwaSomgxada, KwaNocollege----the black and gold University of Fort Hare!

But history seems to be the only thing beautiful about this town. You see, this is a town that yet has to experience the erection of traffic lights on one of it's streets; the only fast food outlet is an unknownbrand called 'Champs'. I have had to fall in love with 'Champs', and I swear it tastes better than KFC---they are generous on the chips as well!

However, the serenity that oozes out of eDikeni cannot be compared to anything. The humble nature of the local people is priceless. Here, people still live life without the pressure of running with mice chasing air (rat race). Here, the urgency is only the ability to buy 12,5 kg mealie meal/sugar/flower. Cooking oil here is called fish oil. Every washing powder is called Omo.

A simple drive from town to my village requires extreme vigilance. Stray animals are a norm. The cows here chillax on the road after noon, you would swear they own the road.

My village is right below the Hogsback mountain. The picturesque view offered by this gift of nature makes you want to praise the Lord everyday. The sun shoots out of this mountain like it was in hiding and when it sets, the horizon becomes a dusty red and makes you want to carry your camera all the times waiting for the sun to set.

The Tyhume river is one other free gift of nature. The waterfalls confirm a staunch relationship between iTyhume and iHogsback. After a heavy rainfall, the sound of water falling into the river is one you will never forget. My brother once said if he ever had to suffer from amnesia, all we need to do is take him to eTyhume after a rainfall...his memory will be ignited like a fire!

If you fancy a buzz, the drive to East London is just over an hour. However, the meander of the road lined by beatiful villages of iXesi, uQoboqobo, iDimbaza, iQonce, iMount Coke makes you want to say 'Thank you Lord for the eyes you have blessed me with'. After such enjoyment, your destination is the beautiful Orient Beach. This beach makes me do things i will not do anywhere else but there...Here, my Speedo swimming costume is worn with pride without a kanga or cycling tights! As a 40 plus...people think you should be hiding your thighs till you rich your grave! I refuse!

Jozi has been kind to me...but I think I have over stayed my welcome! I leave with peace in my heart. I will miss the abundance of choice---Spar/Woolworths/Pick 'n Pay all within a walking distance! I will miss my Phuza Thursdays at Cedar Square/Design Quarter/Rosebank Hotel, the Balailaka, etc. I will get a break from the crazy traffic jams...do you know it takes me 2 hours to get to work in the morning---a distance of 18km! I will not miss the concrete jungle---there is construction everywhere!!! I will miss the sight of construction workers showing off their tight chests---ohh yes! I will miss amawotwana neshisanyama!---Chicken feet is not considered a noble thing to eat eKoloni!

In Jozi we've been trained to accept a standard of 3m x 4m for a bedroom! Nonsense! I am house hunting for a house that talks to me---it talks to me if it has high ceilings, wooden floors, Victorian windows---you get my gist!

Lira says in one of her songs 'Ndiyahamba mna, sukundinqanda! Ndidikiwe, sendivile'! Akutsho mna kutsho uLira....but this time....her song makes so much sense...to me at least!

Now do you I understand what I mean when I say I feel like I'm in a wrong taxi?
Everyone around me seems to know their destination but me!